grace.

this is a quote from Bittersweet (I'm not sure why I don't know how to underline...and I know books are supposed to be underlined?) by, Shauna Niequist

"Grace isn't about having a second chance; grace is having so many chances that you could use them through all eternity and never come up empty. It's when you finally realize that the other shoe isn't going to drop; ever. It's the moment you feel as precious and handmade as every star, when you feel, finally, at home for the very first time."

I've talked quite a bit about home here (on my blog). As I packed up and moved out of the place that I called home, not just Houston, but our adorable house on Michaux that was really, and truly was our home. We laughed, cried, created: friendships, recipes, paintings...some good, some bad...(don't try to make cake in a coffee cup or paint at 3 am just because you need some new life on your wall). We talked and talked and talked, we went on walks, played tennis, ran to Fiesta countless times, shared life with neighbors and friends, we had reunion parties with sisters, college friends, other Heights dwellers, and former building dwellers from our earlier Houston days. We saw a lot of transformations. We ate quite a bit of delicious dessert. We also took full advantage of living with-in walking distance of delicious Mexican cuisine. We went from being two friends to three to two to three to two to three several times, and enjoyed living with an awesome variety of some of the coolest women I know. I'm so grateful for that home. I'm grateful for the friendships that came from that house.

And Shauna is right grace is feeling precious, and loved, and fully known. There aren't many people who look at you...all of you...and still make you feel precious and loved and cared for.

I think the beauty of being at home (whether it's going back to where we are best known sometimes...our parents, or being somewhere familiar) is having a rich, deep history. The hardest part of moving life for me is to not be known. I am very grateful for some very kind, wonderful people that are in my life here already. I know that they are gifts. They are so helpful, quick to listen, and eager to share cool things I should know about in a new place. But at the end of the day they don't know me. They will, as we continue to do life together, but they don't know me yet. It's hard to be known. It's hard to not know others.

I've been quick here to try and not think about the beauty of home. I don't want to miss out on the present place and gifts of the current life. I don't want time to pass me by while I live in the days of old, that are no more. I don't want to focus so intently on the things I used to have, that I miss out on what I have right in front of me. Tonight though, I realize, that sometimes it's good to think about home. I am reminded tonight as I'm reading, that if I miss an opportunity that I will have another chance, and another, and another...because we all need so many chances, so much grace. We rarely get it right the first time.

I'm so thankful for my home. I'm so thankful for my friends and family that have shown so much grace and given me so many opportunities to do things right, although it's almost guaranteed that somewhere in the midst I'm going to be a mess, they help me pick up the pieces and make something much more beautiful and rich than I could have ever imagined. I don't know who or where I'd be without you, so thank you, for being full of grace with me.

I know what home looks like with my family, and I know what home looks like in Houston. What will home look like in DC? I'm excited and anxious to see...

Fall

What's your favorite season? I hear this question often.

I like them all, I like that they change. I would get bored if things were always the same, yet I love familiarity and rituals. So change is necessary, and welcome, but also sometimes hard. I'm realizing though, I've never before really experienced seasons. It's fall. Leaves really do change beautiful shades of colors. Pumpkins are out. And it's brisk. I have read about this before, but it's not quite like what Texas has ever felt like, at least to me.

As I've been driving, reflecting, observing, I'm truly thankful for how God is using the seasons to remind me of two things, one being that He has a master plan for everything. I love that in the very beginning God knew"... and God said, "Let there be lights in the expanse of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years..." Genesis 1:14-15.

Then in Ecclesiastes He reminds us again of the way He orchestrates time:
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. "

I'm learning about the season change in my life. How it's beautiful and painful all at once. I'm learning how the gorgeous changes of colors means that soon things die, fall off, and get blown away. I know fall won't last forever. I want to enjoy it, but I also want to give myself permission to be sad that things are changing. So I'm trying to trust in God that has a plan, when most days I do not know how to even begin this new adventure. I want to love God who has given a new place, a fresh start, and who has taken friends (really amazing ones) away from my immediate reach, familiarity, and comfort in that place. I want to love God who is never changing in the midst of a new season, a new place, and a new adventure. Although it's beautiful, it's a little scary!

What's your favorite season?